Fire Won't Burn

The logs I bought at Walmart won't burn. And I have put considerable effort into making them. It's actually kind of sad. They might as well be made of stone. The box the logs came in burns better then they do, the damn thing even came with a super starter, but that only lasted about ten minutes before it went out. it was pathetic. After working through half of my weekend, I feel I deserve a decent fire, damn it. Nothing. I've even doused it in the strongest alcohol that we have, and still nothing. I am not happy.